Welcome to ChangHua's Blog!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

.:. .:.

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel."

"A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go."

Sometimes, I really hated my life... but then, I cannot waste away the life which god gave me... cuz I am living it for him! I dont blame god for anything... I just blame myself for being so useless!

losing my grip. [1:49 AM]

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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

.:. .:.

My life is so miserable! There is not a time when I am free from worries. I really dont want to be like this. I hate my life. I feel so directionless right now! Hais.. I had so many expectations in life. But none of them is near at all. I just feel so discouraged. Hais..

losing my grip. [10:38 AM]

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Saturday, November 28, 2009

.:. .:.

Being alone is a really sad thing! Nobody loves being alone! But its better off being alone than being with someone whom u do not like or who doesnt like you... Love is always on both sides. If you love someone, but that someone doesnt like you, it wouldnt work out.. ...Nothing will work out... Similarly I wouldnt allow myself to be with someone whom I do not like... I really hope it would happen but then, I really do not like anyone to feel bad and avoid me like plague just because I like her but she doesnt like me. I dun like to make anyone feel sad because of me. I feel that I do not like someone easily but whenever I do like someone, the feelings would conquer me. Love is important in my life! I take it seriously! I cannot afford to have history repeat itself. I really pray that god, you will know how I am feeling right now and you will arrange everything for me nicely. I am a very very emotional person... Loving someone has no reasons behind it. Its just how Jesus love us isnt it. I can like ask god why he loves me and he would reply " I just love you! " Hais... everything is just my fault.. I didnt know what to do about anything anymore. Living one day at a time now... really hoping that my life would change... but I really do not know how to change it.. :( Is liking someone wrong? :(

My life right now is just very boring and tired. It is always filled to the brim with PROJECTS, HOMEWORK, FYP GROUPING PROBLEMS ! Nothing seems to be interesting at all and all I am holding on to is that glimmer of hope that is my trust in god! I know everything happens for a good reason for us to learn from mistakes. But my brain can only take up to a certain limit of stress! If ever it exceeds, I think I would encounter depression :( Hais... Stress is already taking its limit in me :( I really felt sorry to my cell group leaders for not sharing my thoughts with them.. Because I am a really problematic guy already. They already had so many stress on their side, I really dont want them to worry for me :( Sometimes, I really think that i really cannot take it if the stress still prolongs... I really need you god! or my life would really be ruined...

Labels: Its only that glimmer of hope.

losing my grip. [1:23 AM]

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Monday, November 16, 2009

.:. Life is getting Boring .:.

Life is getting more boring and miserable for me! I thought that I had became optimistic after being through serious problems with my life a few months ago... but in fact, I am still who I am. I am born to be a melancholic!

I am a person who do not really "Befriend" anyone or everyone. I only choose the people who are worthy to be my friends! The ones who encourage you when you are in trouble and those who possess good personalities. Thus, my social circle is very very small. and friends whom I respect are important to me. How they feel affects me.

One bad habit of mine is that I always do not express my true feelings out correctly! For example, if there is someone whose character as a friend that I do not like(Eg.Ppl who smoke, ppl who have bad attitute), I would not show any symptoms of hate or any usual feeling or bad attitute. Instead, I would just stay normal and do nothing about it. However, I would feel very uncomfortable when these type of people get close to me. & vice-versa. I know its bad to stay away from bad company and I would just try my best not to!

I really got many many things to say. There are so many stress within me. :( and I do not feel good at all. Knocking out one of my most important dreams is just merely rendering my life to be very aimless!

losing my grip. [1:57 PM]

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Monday, November 2, 2009

.:. .:.

Today I just cleared a huge mystery in my heart today... Hahax... I really thank the other party for being so honest about everything. After my first experience in a relationship, I had realised that I need to be sure that both parties must really love each other for it to be successful and that what is truly yours would be yours cos the lord had already prepared everything for us :) So no matter what, I would just like to praise the lord for everything! :) Hahax... As for that person, I really thank god that she was very honest about it. Hahax... Thank god yeah!! :) Its really by god's grace that she is so nice and honest. and its my honor to know such a person. Hahax..

LOVE

What is love? The definition of love in a relationship is really getting blurer and blurer each day. I only know that what I wanted in my partner is to love me no matter what! And after my first bad experience in a relationship, I really wanted to know that the person whom I admire would like me back before I do anything. But its very hard to know whether a person really likes you or not. Thus, in the end, I am so afraid of doing anything to please the person and ended up acting wierd! And when I am acting wierd, I really do feel uneasy and wanted the uneasyness to go away. In the end, I am really doing nothing about my love life and what bad impression I had made of myself. Hais. Sometimes, I just question myself! What should I do? How should I react? I really cant live without love but then if whenever I like someone, I aint doing a thing about anything, theres no where I can go. Love cannot be forced. Its very hard to find someone that you love who loves you back too. But I believe that god will entrust a partner to me soon. A partner whom i love and truly loves me! A partner who have lots of faith in god... I wanna have a car a flat and most importantly, start a good family.

losing my grip. [12:07 AM]

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Thursday, October 8, 2009

.:. .:.

started on a bit of flash for my CG :) just a bit.. I m not rushing to finish it cos i dun want it to be a slip short work :) * Note that the flash appt in the previous post done by me in an hour only.. it ISNT complete. I only coded the link for the first button.. will continue tml after work.. or else i will peng... hahax..

losing my grip. [12:12 AM]

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

.:. .:.

We knew this is going to happen and we are already prepared for it. I have prayed for him but I guess the time had came. Hais. My paternal grandfather died today at 3.30pm :( , leaving me with no more grandfathers. (although he is not really close to me) Hais... Actually, can say is quite a painful death, cos he had kidney failure,heart problems, difficulties,etc,etc and the doctor had already told us that he is already hopeless when I visited him on thurs.

Okay heres whats going on down at my grandpa's place right now as I am blogging. All my relatives are now down there dressed in "Toi Toi Coil" uniforms and burning incense paper except me. (I am at my maternal grandma's place in CCK ) Okay la... tml early in the morning, I am going already. But no matter what, because of god's sake, I will NOT do anything regarding the ritual or wear their ritual uniform or burn any incence paper. I know what I am doing and my sole purpose.

Sien sia... I am the only christian among all my family and relatives. I know it would be hard on me if they do scold but I have my stand. For christ! Amen!

now recapping... today... bla bla..

Today :)

Sunday church as per normal :) hehe... Actually I enjoy gng to church la.. hahax... Love the praise n worship. :P Hahax.. After church we went to vivo to eat then we went to harbourfront centre to pei them study and after that we sat down at mac to chit chat. hahax... Super nice sia... I really enjoy going out with church buddies ! :) hehes!

Then after that at night, I went to Boon Keng to exchange my badminton racket. Thank god the nice shop keeper called me to tell me there is a minor problem with the racket as that shipment got a bit of prob :) Then after that,I took bus to Hougang to return my book. Actually "she" suggested to help me return de, haha ... but because I also shun bian then dun mafan her bah :P Hahax... She got that intention to help me when I need help, I am already feeling very happy and blessed already, just what more would I ask for :) Hehe

Okay bahz.. I think I better prepare to rest already! Tmr I would have the whole day sitting down at the table at the funeral eating peanuts liao... :( Better rest...

losing my grip. [11:27 PM]

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