Saturday, November 28, 2009
.:. .:.
Being alone is a really sad thing! Nobody loves being alone! But its better off being alone than being with someone whom u do not like or who doesnt like you... Love is always on both sides. If you love someone, but that someone doesnt like you, it wouldnt work out.. ...Nothing will work out... Similarly I wouldnt allow myself to be with someone whom I do not like... I really hope it would happen but then, I really do not like anyone to feel bad and avoid me like plague just because I like her but she doesnt like me. I dun like to make anyone feel sad because of me. I feel that I do not like someone easily but whenever I do like someone, the feelings would conquer me. Love is important in my life! I take it seriously! I cannot afford to have history repeat itself. I really pray that god, you will know how I am feeling right now and you will arrange everything for me nicely. I am a very very emotional person... Loving someone has no reasons behind it. Its just how Jesus love us isnt it. I can like ask god why he loves me and he would reply " I just love you! " Hais... everything is just my fault.. I didnt know what to do about anything anymore. Living one day at a time now... really hoping that my life would change... but I really do not know how to change it.. :( Is liking someone wrong? :(
My life right now is just very boring and tired. It is always filled to the brim with PROJECTS, HOMEWORK, FYP GROUPING PROBLEMS ! Nothing seems to be interesting at all and all I am holding on to is that glimmer of hope that is my trust in god! I know everything happens for a good reason for us to learn from mistakes. But my brain can only take up to a certain limit of stress! If ever it exceeds, I think I would encounter depression :( Hais... Stress is already taking its limit in me :( I really felt sorry to my cell group leaders for not sharing my thoughts with them.. Because I am a really problematic guy already. They already had so many stress on their side, I really dont want them to worry for me :( Sometimes, I really think that i really cannot take it if the stress still prolongs... I really need you god! or my life would really be ruined...
Labels: Its only that glimmer of hope.
losing my grip. [1:23 AM]
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Monday, November 16, 2009
.:. Life is getting Boring .:.
Life is getting more boring and miserable for me! I thought that I had became optimistic after being through serious problems with my life a few months ago... but in fact, I am still who I am. I am born to be a melancholic!
I am a person who do not really "Befriend" anyone or everyone. I only choose the people who are worthy to be my friends! The ones who encourage you when you are in trouble and those who possess good personalities. Thus, my social circle is very very small. and friends whom I respect are important to me. How they feel affects me.
One bad habit of mine is that I always do not express my true feelings out correctly! For example, if there is someone whose character as a friend that I do not like(Eg.Ppl who smoke, ppl who have bad attitute), I would not show any symptoms of hate or any usual feeling or bad attitute. Instead, I would just stay normal and do nothing about it. However, I would feel very uncomfortable when these type of people get close to me. & vice-versa. I know its bad to stay away from bad company and I would just try my best not to!
I really got many many things to say. There are so many stress within me. :( and I do not feel good at all. Knocking out one of my most important dreams is just merely rendering my life to be very aimless!
losing my grip. [1:57 PM]
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Monday, November 2, 2009
.:. .:.
Today I just cleared a huge mystery in my heart today... Hahax... I really thank the other party for being so honest about everything. After my first experience in a relationship, I had realised that I need to be sure that both parties must really love each other for it to be successful and that what is truly yours would be yours cos the lord had already prepared everything for us :) So no matter what, I would just like to praise the lord for everything! :) Hahax... As for that person, I really thank god that she was very honest about it. Hahax... Thank god yeah!! :) Its really by god's grace that she is so nice and honest. and its my honor to know such a person. Hahax..
LOVE
What is love? The definition of love in a relationship is really getting blurer and blurer each day. I only know that what I wanted in my partner is to love me no matter what! And after my first bad experience in a relationship, I really wanted to know that the person whom I admire would like me back before I do anything. But its very hard to know whether a person really likes you or not. Thus, in the end, I am so afraid of doing anything to please the person and ended up acting wierd! And when I am acting wierd, I really do feel uneasy and wanted the uneasyness to go away. In the end, I am really doing nothing about my love life and what bad impression I had made of myself. Hais. Sometimes, I just question myself! What should I do? How should I react? I really cant live without love but then if whenever I like someone, I aint doing a thing about anything, theres no where I can go. Love cannot be forced. Its very hard to find someone that you love who loves you back too. But I believe that god will entrust a partner to me soon. A partner whom i love and truly loves me! A partner who have lots of faith in god... I wanna have a car a flat and most importantly, start a good family.
losing my grip. [12:07 AM]
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